ZZZZZZZZZZZ...

Sleep, sweet sweet slumber oh how I miss thee. My mom told me that she thinks God prepares you for the baby by not being able to sleep while you’re pregnant – she may be right on with this one.

Ask my family, sleep is one thing I always had perfected. I would come home after school and take a nap even during high school, and as a young child even would put myself to bed - no fighting Mom for 30 more minutes here. Even on family holidays I would take a nap right on grandma’s couch while everyone chatted and ate around me. I love sleep. And now I MISS sleep.

I have always been a back sleeper, in fact I have a certain way I sleep (3 pillows and my stuffed bunny). I’d go to sleep in that position and wake up in virtually the same exact spot. Perfection.

Now I toss and I turn, and I toss some more. I am up and I am down more times than my mood swings these days. Doctors say to sleep on your left side, which would be fine if I had a removable arm. If I could somehow take off my left arm to prevent it from falling asleep on me I might be able to sleep on my left. Can’t do that. So I try “The Pillow”. Yes the wonderful hubby got me “The Pillow”.

You know those pillows. The picture on the bag always shows a lovely pregnant women sleeping soundly and hold her pillow like it’s Johnny Depp next to her in bed. Well my pillow and I have a love hate relationship going on. I love the idea of it, but most the time we end up in a wrestling match. First of all it is about 5 feet long…it’s hence earned the nickname the Beast. I put a snuggly brown cover on it too – so it’s almost like the Beast has fur, which feels lovely but is very warm. I start out holding the Beast and putting him (I assume it’s a him?) between my knees just like the picture. But somehow I wake up and the beast has mysteriously jumped out of the bed and onto the floor. Or the beast has left me and is now lying with my snoozing husband (who looks more like the peaceful picture on the bag than I ever will). I grab the Beast back and attempt to try again. But most of the time it feels like the Beast is fighting me in the middle of the night. Considering we’re fairly close to the same size lying down, it takes me a few minutes of wrestling the Beast to get him back into position to try again. It’s exhausting, but not exhausting enough to make me sleep of course. Noooo, normally by the time I’m back into the peaceful sleeping pregnant lady position I am wide awake. I wish I could strangle the Beast for making me so awake because of our WWE session. UGH.

If it’s not the Beast, it most surely is my undying thirst combined my prune size bladder. Now this is just a mean trick God plays on us pregnant women. I mean I never ever been as thirsty as I am these days. All the time I am thirsty. Even at night. I take my vitamins at night before bed – and drink a full glass of water to make sure I digest them well. And then thirty minutes later that water is ready to come out. So I waddle to the bathroom in the dark trying not to open my eyes so I can somehow semi stay asleep and pee. But of course on my way back to bed I am thirsty again. So I drink more water, go back to bed, wrestle the beast, lay there awake, finally fall asleep, and then wake up to pee again. Over and Over and Over.

Now some may say, Nicole why don’t you try not to drink as much water before you go to bed and therefore maybe you won’t wake up as soon? Well my friends I tried this the other night, here is that humbling tale: I of course have a 15 minute routine to get to sleep (face wash, teeth brushed, lotioned up, vitamins, water etc…). That night I take my vitamins with just a little water and jump into bed with Jason, Jersey and the Beast. About 20 minutes later a wave, rather a tsunami of nausea hits me. I RUN to the bathroom and barely make it before I begin to throw up. Think that sucks? Well here’s the really fun part: Each time my stomach contracts to get substance up I pee a little. I can’t control it. I know it’s happening but I can’t stop puking and I can’t stop peeing. Finally my stomach is empty and unfortunately so is my bladder. I stand up and sure enough I am a 25 year old woman who just peed my her pants like a 4 year old (never mind, my 4 year old nephew Luke has better bladder control than that). I pathetically look at Jason and he just laughs with me. Yes, I was laughing. It was either laugh or cry and the latter sounded less fun. After all, how many times have you seen a sober 25 year old pee their pants? UGH.

Oh Pregnancy such a J.O.Y you are.

I MISS sleep.