Mommyhood

Well I have severely neglected this blog lately! Sorry but there is a new little addition to my life the requires, scratch that - demands my time! Giselle Brooke Caldwell was born 11 days early on 8/4/10 at 7:49am, weighing in at 7.5 lbs and 19 inches long. The short story of my labor: 8/3/10 my water broke, went to hospital began pitocin, epidural did not work so I was in a lot of pain, pushed for close to 2 miserable hours and she was born completely healthy.

Were currently in week 5 of mommyhood. So far she's gaining weight, eating, sleeping, peeing and pooping, therefore I believe I am doing something right. As I type this she is sleeping next to me, and she just farted...loud. First reaction from me? - "Phew!, at least it wasn't a juicy one." This is now my life. Judging the sounds of farts, wearing pads in my bras, spit up in my hair and juggling my whole day around her every 2 hour feedings. Is it wonderful? Yes. Is it hard? Yes. Have I cried and screamed and thought what the hell did I get myself into? You betcha!

Week 1 was bliss, my new beautiful baby just slept and ate. Hardly made noise and could be put down for a nap anywhere at any time. Then she woke up. Thus began our journey of learning each other. I needed her to teach me what she needed, and she needed me to figure it out quick!

I remember a night in our 3rd week where she was up screaming all night, making sleep impossible for her and myself. My husband was finally leaving for work around 6:00am (lucky bastard! Yes, I was actually jealous he got to go to work) and looked at me holding our baby, while both baby and I were crying and he said "You want to give her back?". ***sigh*** Mommyhood is hard. Very hard. You do want to give them back at times - even if you don't admit it. You want someone to just take them so the screaming will stop. You want your old life back. Your old body back. You want to sleep for hours. You want it all to just stop....and then? And then your baby looks in your eyes and smiles and you forget all your troubles. You melt into a pool of love. And you realize somehow this chaos is exactly where you want to be. Even if that smile was just a gas pain, you need to believe it was meant for you.

I've also learned to be victorious. Be proud and pat myself on the back. You know those beer commercials where they reward absolute foolish behavior? EX: "Here's to you Mister Overly Aggressive Flag Football Player..." I do that all day long!

Here's some of my awarded titles:
Here's to You Mommy that can catch a pacifier in the air in the split second it leaves her mouth before hitting the ground. You channel your inner Neo from the matrix like nobody would believe!

Here's to you Mommy that can change a diaper at 4:30a.m. with one eye open and some how get all the poop off from her back to her belly without waking the baby completely up. Your sleep working would make a zombie jealous.

Here's to you Mommy that can make a homemade meal one handed while rocking the baby to sleep. Your inner Emmerl is shining even if you don't yell "bam!" in fear of waking her.

Here's to you Mommy that can breastfeed, pet the dog with your foot and text all at the same time. You may not be 3 people but you do just as much!

The awards go on. But seriously, each day she goes to sleep healthy I give myself an A for the day.


We're currently breast feeding without any other supplements. Lucky me, these boobs were meant for feeding. I know many women who have struggled and been defeated by breast feeding but not me! I thankfully haven't had any problems thus far (knock on wood). No chapped or bleeding or cracked nipples - thank God! And Giselle is a champ too, she latched on right out of the belly and loves nothing more than a little boobie in her life. I hope to continue to be able to provide for her for at least 6 months. I also think taking the breast feeding class at Hoag hospital and listening to the nurses helped me tons. It's all about the latch ladies!

She's up every 2 - 3 hours at night currently, but most of the time goes right back to sleep after feeding for about 20 minutes. She's approximately 10lbs and starting to grow out of her newborn clothes (pouty face). She loves sleeping on her belly, but only does so when mommy is supervising. She's a strong little peanut, raising her head more and more each day and grasps fingers with all her might!

Jason and I are a good team. We try and laugh when all else fails, crying is no fun anyways! We give each other breaks when we need it and try to remember to take some time for ourselves. We celebrated our first wedding anniversary sans baby at the Reef on August 29th and even got out for a couple cocktails without her last weekend (Thanks Auntie Jenn and Grandma for babysitting). We've only threatened to take her to the fire station a couple times. ;)

This is by far the biggest challenge I have taken on. I look forward to all the ups, and fear the downs but will do my best to embrace it all. All and all I am blessed to be the proud, frazzled, neurotic, mother of a gorgeous baby girl <3

All-a- Board the Baby Express!!

Choo Choo! Next stop...dirty diapers and chaffed nipples!!!

Here I am 38 weeks (per Dr. Chu, not the ultrasound lady). And I am huge, like Big Gulp - Football Field - Mom in "What's Eating Gilbert Grape" - Hot Air Balloon huge....or so it feels. **sigh** I had a doctor's appointment just this morning which went well. Doc says Giselle's head is down and officially in position and my cervix is softening (yay!). Which means now I just wait til Gorilla Girl decides to come out. Why "Gorilla Girl" you ask? - oh because the doctor estimates she's already about 8 1/2 lbs and if she's stays in until her due date she should be (according the the doctors) about 9 1/2 lbs. So I picture her coming out Denzel Washington style throwing up a peace sign and sayin "Momma, King Kong aint got shit onnnnn me" hahaha makes me giggle every time! Apparently I was also a Gorilla Girl weighing in at 8.12 at birth - but I was 2 weeks late. Giselle better not be late or she'll be on immediate time out when she gets here ;). Of course the doctors could be totally wrong, I mean what does thousands of dollars, years in med school, and even more years of experience mean afterall? - **gulp** nothing I hope.

Everything is ready for her arrival, in fact today would be a good day for her to come because my home is clean, I just finished washing my car and I actually shaved my legs(go ahead give me a round of applause for that last one because I totally deserve it!). So Giselle, if you're ready I am! I think. I'm not really scared, for the most part. I am nervous mostly concerning her: What if the cord wraps around her neck?, What if she inhales some of her poop?, What if she has a 3rd leg or is missing an ear? What if she is really born a he? What if, What if, What if!!! Chances are she will be perfectly healthy and have the correct number of appendages but I guess as a mom my worrying starts now. Besides I already have the answer to the last question, if she were born a he - he would be totally flaming gay because Momma already has more pink baby things than she knows what to do with. I'd be totally ok with that too (shopping partner!) - Daddy on the other hand...

Weird how you haven't held your baby, kissed your baby or heck even seen your baby but already you've decided you'd do absolutely anything for her. Starting with pushing a watermelon through a lemon hole.

The last couple weeks I've started to feel over it. Over being pregnant that is. I'm over my feet and hands being twice their normal size, over huffing and puffing just when walking from point A (normally the couch) to point B (more than likely the fridge), over having heartburn so bad I think I'm having a heart attack etc etc... I'm also missing things. I miss being able to wear my wedding ring, I miss being able to grab any sparkley thong from my undie drawer not digging for a "big girl" pair, I miss having more than 2 comfortable pairs of shoes, I miss having sex with my husband that isn't "just-have-sex-cause-it's-suppose-to-put-you-in-labor" sex, and I miss having a beer or 2 darn it! BUT "they" -whoever "they" is I'm still not sure- anyways,"they" say it's all worth it in the end and you forget all your troubles once that little (or in my case, maybe not so little) baby is in your arms.

"They" better be right.

Check in soon...thanks for reading <3

p.s. here is a pic of her completed nursery.

Crunch time!

It is crunch time (after baby it will be crunchie time). But here we are 6 - 7 weeks til D Day! We (Mom, Jason and I) have been busting our butts getting ready for the cutest baby in the world to get here (biased much? lol)

We had our shower on June 6th and boy did we get spoiled! We got 32 bibs, about 20 blankets, 3 strollers, enough wash cloths and towels to last a life time, our pack n play, a jumper, baby seat, too many cute clothes to count...etc etc... WE ARE SO BLESSED. Thank you to all that came to share our joy.

Last weekend we finally finished painting the nursery. This was no easy feat I tell you! The walls started out a dark tan semi-gloss. So first we (well Mom) sanded them down, then 2 coats of primer, then 2 coats of the wrong color green (my fault) and then 2 coats of the right color green and followed up by priming and painting the base boards white. PHEW! - We were, nevermind, we ARE pooped! Took us 2 weekends but it did finally come out the way we wanted it.

Painting was followed up by sorting the diva's wardrobe. I tell you I have never cut so many damn tags in my life! We organized her closet and dresser by size, and I am now convinced she is bound to take after me with her love for clothes! She will always be dressed to impressed that's for certain.

I had a doctor's appointment last week around 32/33 weeks and Dr. Chu says Giselle's head is down and her heartbeat strong at 150 bpm. She weighs about 3 lbs and I have gained 22 lbs...both of us are on the right track. We're seeing the doc every 2 weeks now so I will do my best to report our progress often.

Next order of business in the next few weeks is to hang curtains and wall art in the nursery, install the car seat and pack a bag for Jason and myself. All in between Nicole having baby Roman, our big 4th of July block party, my sister's 30th bday, my Dad's bday, 2 baby classes, Jason's bday...oh and whatever else life wants to throw my way! I'm sure it will all fly by.

Here's a pic of some nursery progress - her closet...I'll post the final nursery pics when it's all done :)

Long time no blog?

My last update was May 9th - almost a month ago. I apologize if anyone out there actually follows and has been wondering where I've been (which might be wishful thinking on my part).

Well, May 10th I got fired. Yes, fired. Canned. Let Go. Dumped. Put out on my ass.
So what that meant was that I not only lost my job, but I lost my apartment (I got a 2 bedroom place for free as part of my income). They gave me 3 days to move. You read right, 3 whole days. Nice huh?

But enough about that gloom…

Present day: We are in a new 2 bedroom place back in my old neighborhood. Yay. This means both my mom and sister are walking distance from our place. Double Yay. Yes, we are more financially strapped since I am not bringing home a paycheck and unemployment takes awhile to start coming in…but we are so lucky to have amazing support from our awesome family and friends. And I know once all the dust settles, so to speak, that we will be just fine.

Giselle is thriving and is measuring in the 62 percentile for size. Her heart beat is strong and her measurements are all on track (the picture is her profile at 28 weeks). And of course I am getting larger myself. But doctor says my weight gain is right on track (phew! I thought I’d be over by now). I do find myself being more hungry these days. And have had more pregnancy cravings. Nothing too weird yet, candy mostly – oh and kids cereal … Captain Crunch mmmmm.

I had my glucose screening the other day, where I got to drink that fun syrupy liquid that is similar to thick, flat, 7up… yum. But the results came back good – so I am allowed to indulge a little in my candy craving! However, my thyroid levels came back a little low and it turns out I am anemic. So I switched up my thyroid prescription (something I am totally used to by now! Having dealt with thyroid problems since 6th grade) and now take an iron supplement. The iron is suppose to give me more energy, which is very welcome. But is also suppose to make me constipated, **sigh** not welcome. I guess you win some you lose some and I may be spending some of that extra energy in the bathroom (too much info? Sorry!).

This weekend I am having my baby shower. Whoo Hoo! I can’t wait to see all my friends and family. After this weekend, my energy (not spent in the bathroom) will be focused on re-creating Giselle’s nursery. Of course, we had just finished painting, hanging drapes, stenciling, and putting up wall décor in our old place right before I was fired. Grrrrr. Now we get to start again. But the plus to this is that her room is much bigger at our new place. And I know we will make it just as beautiful as it was before.

For now I am trying to relax, breathe and take every thing in stride. (Don’t I sound like I’ve got it all together?!). LOL. Don’t worry I have had my sobbing, shaking, snot pouring down my face moments about losing my job. But I know that I have something much more important to focus on…our daughter. My job was able to take my home, stability, income and insurance but they cannot take away the joy of starting my family. My husband has been my rock, always promising everything will be ok. My mom has been my shelter, doing for us what we can’t do for ourselves at the moment and ensuring we have all we need (and then some). My sister, my best friend – ready to beat someone up if I say so or stopping by with groceries to make sure her niece is eating well . Plus so many friends that helped us moved, or took our minds off stressing by making us laugh. Without the support I don’t know where I’d be. But I want to THANK everyone that has stuck around during this cloudy period. And know that when any of you need anything we’ll be the first ones there!

I promise I’ll check in sooner than later this time!

Mother's Day

Today is Mother’s Day! So much to celebrate! - like heartburn, cramps, this new heat rash I got on my boobs, swollen feet….I kid I kid, I will refrain from complaining in this post….ok, no promises but I will try very hard.

I have so many wonderful Mother’s in my life. Starting with my own of course. Anyone that has met my Mom totally agrees – she rocks! And my sister is now in the running for Mom of the year. Just this week she made heart shaped sandwiches for the boys just because and hand made Mother’s day cards for all the boys on Lukas’ T-Ball team to give their Mommies. She totally rocks too. Plus I have so many great Mommy friends: Amy, Jill, Darlene, etc etc…and Aunts and cousins and co-worker moms. It goes on and on.

And next year at this time I will be a Mom (to someone other than Jersey Girl), and hopefully half as good of one as these great Moms in my life. There are many things I hope to do for my daughter that make her think I am a great Mom too.

I want to eat ice cream until our heads turn too cold to stand
And read you bedtimes stories that take place in a faraway land.

I want to let you run in sprinklers in the middle of July
And take you to the beach to watch all the kites fly.

I want you to believe in Santa, in magic and in big dreams
And teach to how to wish in fountains, on stars and moon beams.

I want to let you color outside the lines and tell you that it’s art
And tell you everyday that you are beautiful, caring and smart.

I want to help to make Valentine’s cards for your first class in school
And teach you to always be kind even when other kids are cruel.

I want to be there to chase away any monsters hiding under your bed
And listen when you talk, to truly hear each word that is said.

I want to be your best friend, the one that never lets you down
Be your security blanket, your protector or your silly little clown.

I want you to know when your here how much I will always love you
And I want you to know right now, that in fact … I already do.

Pregnancy is not very fun today

Like a little kid stuck in the back seat of a car, all I want to know is “Are we there yet?”.
I had a pregnancy breakdown last night. And I thought there is just no way I can do this another 3 ½ months. No friggin’ way.

The night before last I had a horrible nights sleep – tossed and turned all night and kept waking up hot and sweaty. And now there are of course 2 new things that have, of recent, joined the fight against me: leg cramps and heartburn.

My daughter the little flame thrower – is lighting my chest up at a whole new level these days. They say heartburn means she will have a lot of hair. Well, if that is the case I am afraid I may be giving birth to King Kong. To combat this heartburn I refer to my list of “ok to take medication” that I got from Dr. Chu. Only thing I saw on there that was in my cupboard was Tums. And let me tell you when I wasn’t pregnant and had a tummy ache those suckers would work wonders….Now? well now they do absolutely nothing for the raging inferno in my body.

So back to the list. List says (and friend Jill recommends) Gaviscon.

Off to the store. Gaviscon to the rescue…well at least the first couple of times. Gaviscon works much much better than Tums. BUT still doesn’t relieve my problem. I can’t sleep, with this heartburn. So I prop all my pillows up, I chew gum, I sip water, I don’t eat spicy or late at night….I can’t get it to go away. And therefore I can’t sleep. And it’s not only at night it’s during the day too. Yay.

Along with HFH (heartburn from hell) I’ve started getting leg cramps. So just in case I do by the grace of God fall asleep for a couple hours I will surely be woken up by leg cramps. The kind that feel like pitbull has gotten a hold of my calf and wants to twist the muscles until they snap. Only way to make them go away? – jump out of bed and stretch out my leg. However, with the growing belly there is no more “jumping” in or out of bed these days. More like a steady wiggle side to side until I get enough momentum to roll over. FUN… not.

Back to last night…

After I had been dealing with no sleep and heartburn all day and night I just wanted to relax. And then I started feeling itchy. Really itchy. Wanted to find a tall oak tree to scrape my back on, itchy. I couldn’t relieve the itch, I tried a bath and lotion, making Jason scratch me etc… Nothing.

I know, I know, heartburn, leg cramps, itchiness maybe not sound like that big of a deal. But when you combined it with working all day, overall lack of sleep and pregnancy hormones it’s was just enough to push me over the edge. I stood in the bathroom and cried. Snot running down my face my husband asks me what’s wrong…and all I can say is “pregnancy is not very fun today”.

p.s. pic is of us in a happier moment. 6 months.

4D ultrasound

I have some awesome friends that are thoughtful enough to think of my little growing family when they hear of things we may like. 2 of my good friends Aimee and Stephanie referred me to a company called Medison. This company essentially created what is known as the 4D ultrasound. They have a location of Knott right by Moms house where they train technicians to use their machines. So they need models, and who wouldn’t want to be a model and see their baby in 4D for free right?! Needless to say I signed us up and we got called to come in Thursday the 15th.

Jason got the time off to come with and Giselle was kicking me all afternoon (in anticipation of her big photo shoot I assume). Well when we finally got into the room there were about 25 techs and 25 pregnant women between 20-24 weeks excited to see their little ones.

Our tech Barb started our scan and showed us the heart and spine. As grateful as I am that Giselle has a strong heart and spine I was anxious to see her face. And of course what happened? – Giselle fell asleep…head down. We waited, and waited hoping she would wake up. She didn’t. I rolled on my side hoping she’d re-adjust, she didn’t. I went for a walk hoping she’d wake up, she didn’t. I ate some candy hoping the sugar would give her some energy, it didn’t. She MUST get this from her Dad who can sleep anywhere at anytime. There could very well be a tornado that picked Jason up and spun him around and as long as he was on his bed he would sleep through the whole thing.

Jason and I just listened to all the moms to be around us “Ooooh, look at her sucking her thumb” and the technicians “You see his mouth opening to practice swallowing?”. There were people seeing eyes, lips, tiny hands grabbing tiny feet, and all kinds of fun stuff. And we just stared at the back of Giselle’s head. I decided it kind of felt like all the kids on the soccer team were running around kicking the ball and our kid stared up at the sky picking her nose while they ran around her. Whatcha gona do right? I’m sure she was still the cutest one there 

Finally I had a genius idea! Jason had a Rockstar energy drink in the car, I snuck out and took a few sips (please don’t report me to child protective services, I just had a few sips I swear). Good news: little Giselle finally flipped over! Bad news: Barb our tech sucked.

Granted Barb was very nice, but she did not get the contrast dialed in and wasn’t able to master zooming in on things so the pictures we got kind of suck. BUT we got to see her. And she definitely pouts already (no idea where she gets that from!). Here is our little princess at 23 weeks <3

That Girl & This Girl

That girl up there is wild
This girl is tame

That girl’s tummy is flat
This girl’s tummy is round

That girl used to stumble home at 1, 2, sometimes 3 am
This girl stumbles to the bathroom at 1, 2, and 3 am

That girl loved buying little dresses at Bebe
This girl loves buying little dresses for baby

That girl danced the night away
This girl feels dancing in her tummy

That girl was carefree
This girl worries

That girl wore heels everyday
This girl wears flats

That girl had many fair-weather friends
This girl keeps only loyal and caring people close

That girl needed her family
This girl still does

That girl had a wonderful guy in her life
This girl still has him

That girl laughed often
This girl laughs just as much

That girl had big dreams
This girls dreams are coming true

This girl is glad That girl was around,but is happy where she is.

ZZZZZZZZZZZ...

Sleep, sweet sweet slumber oh how I miss thee. My mom told me that she thinks God prepares you for the baby by not being able to sleep while you’re pregnant – she may be right on with this one.

Ask my family, sleep is one thing I always had perfected. I would come home after school and take a nap even during high school, and as a young child even would put myself to bed - no fighting Mom for 30 more minutes here. Even on family holidays I would take a nap right on grandma’s couch while everyone chatted and ate around me. I love sleep. And now I MISS sleep.

I have always been a back sleeper, in fact I have a certain way I sleep (3 pillows and my stuffed bunny). I’d go to sleep in that position and wake up in virtually the same exact spot. Perfection.

Now I toss and I turn, and I toss some more. I am up and I am down more times than my mood swings these days. Doctors say to sleep on your left side, which would be fine if I had a removable arm. If I could somehow take off my left arm to prevent it from falling asleep on me I might be able to sleep on my left. Can’t do that. So I try “The Pillow”. Yes the wonderful hubby got me “The Pillow”.

You know those pillows. The picture on the bag always shows a lovely pregnant women sleeping soundly and hold her pillow like it’s Johnny Depp next to her in bed. Well my pillow and I have a love hate relationship going on. I love the idea of it, but most the time we end up in a wrestling match. First of all it is about 5 feet long…it’s hence earned the nickname the Beast. I put a snuggly brown cover on it too – so it’s almost like the Beast has fur, which feels lovely but is very warm. I start out holding the Beast and putting him (I assume it’s a him?) between my knees just like the picture. But somehow I wake up and the beast has mysteriously jumped out of the bed and onto the floor. Or the beast has left me and is now lying with my snoozing husband (who looks more like the peaceful picture on the bag than I ever will). I grab the Beast back and attempt to try again. But most of the time it feels like the Beast is fighting me in the middle of the night. Considering we’re fairly close to the same size lying down, it takes me a few minutes of wrestling the Beast to get him back into position to try again. It’s exhausting, but not exhausting enough to make me sleep of course. Noooo, normally by the time I’m back into the peaceful sleeping pregnant lady position I am wide awake. I wish I could strangle the Beast for making me so awake because of our WWE session. UGH.

If it’s not the Beast, it most surely is my undying thirst combined my prune size bladder. Now this is just a mean trick God plays on us pregnant women. I mean I never ever been as thirsty as I am these days. All the time I am thirsty. Even at night. I take my vitamins at night before bed – and drink a full glass of water to make sure I digest them well. And then thirty minutes later that water is ready to come out. So I waddle to the bathroom in the dark trying not to open my eyes so I can somehow semi stay asleep and pee. But of course on my way back to bed I am thirsty again. So I drink more water, go back to bed, wrestle the beast, lay there awake, finally fall asleep, and then wake up to pee again. Over and Over and Over.

Now some may say, Nicole why don’t you try not to drink as much water before you go to bed and therefore maybe you won’t wake up as soon? Well my friends I tried this the other night, here is that humbling tale: I of course have a 15 minute routine to get to sleep (face wash, teeth brushed, lotioned up, vitamins, water etc…). That night I take my vitamins with just a little water and jump into bed with Jason, Jersey and the Beast. About 20 minutes later a wave, rather a tsunami of nausea hits me. I RUN to the bathroom and barely make it before I begin to throw up. Think that sucks? Well here’s the really fun part: Each time my stomach contracts to get substance up I pee a little. I can’t control it. I know it’s happening but I can’t stop puking and I can’t stop peeing. Finally my stomach is empty and unfortunately so is my bladder. I stand up and sure enough I am a 25 year old woman who just peed my her pants like a 4 year old (never mind, my 4 year old nephew Luke has better bladder control than that). I pathetically look at Jason and he just laughs with me. Yes, I was laughing. It was either laugh or cry and the latter sounded less fun. After all, how many times have you seen a sober 25 year old pee their pants? UGH.

Oh Pregnancy such a J.O.Y you are.

I MISS sleep.

Half Way There !!

So it’s official…Giselle and I have made it half way! This is truly something worth celebrating…which we did by shopping for her nursery! Mom came over Friday (she played hooky - love when she does that!) and we went to Pottery Barn Kids and got Giselle’s bed sheet, an adorable blanket and some other goodies. And then we painted her room.

Thank God for my Mom! Jason doesn’t paint, he’ll do almost anything around the house but painting is most definitely not his forte. So Mom came over and prepped the room and did the top of the walls, while Giselle and I scooted along the bottom on my rear and got the bottoms. Everything met in the middle and it turned out perfect. I love the color, I describe it Spring Green however if you are familiar with Pottery Barn Kids then you will also know it as Pottery Barn Kid’s Green.

After we went to Bergstroms and guess what? – They were having a sale….oooh lala. So I bought her bassinet. And then I got up this morning and stared at it and thought “wow this little butterfly in my tummy is going to be sleeping in here in less than 5 months”. C-R-A-Z-Y.

Giselle is fluttering around often these days and is starting to give me stronger kicks and jabs. Ones that I’m sure will turn into “Owws” but for now are simply “Awws”. Jason is very jealous he can’t feel her yet so I’m hoping soon he will get to feel a foot or elbow to the palm of his hand. She must be growing too because my belly is definitely “out there”.

Speaking of Daddy’s hand...how cute is this poem that I am giving Jason for Father’s Day this year (no I did not write it):

Daddy, Take my hand in yours and you will plainly see,
How very much I need you now to love and care for me.
As my little hand grows, I will need you even more,
Everything I do in life, I have never done before.
Teach me to be kind and loving, sharing and forgiving,
Show me through your acts of love the pure joy of living.
The years will pass by quickly and one day I will be grown,
I will pass what you have taught me onto children of my own.
Hold me always in your thoughts and remember when we are apart,
The special love between a child and a daddy's heart.

It's a ...

GIRL!!

We had our anatomy ultrasound on March 5th and found out much to our surprise that we're having a baby girl! Everyone (including myself and Jason) thought for sure it was a little boy, so to hear girl was a shock. I of course am still jumping for joy, Jason is struggling on thinking about "baby" and not about a 15 year old. He is nervous for bras, boyfriends, and periods already lol.

Her name is Giselle Brooke Caldwell, which we decided on together and then told everyone. Of course people still find the need to throw in their 2 cents. "How about Maggie?" (umm NO, we're not Homer and Marg) "Are you sure that's the name?" (We just told you that's the name right?, Did I stutter?)etc etc... But for the most part everyone agrees with us that it is beautiful, like she is sure to be.

My biggest fear now is that I will go back for my next ultrasound (3/19) and they will change their mind and tell me it is really a boy! I pray that they were right the first time...because I am so into girl planning that my head might very well fall off if I have to spin it in the other direction.

Giselle is growing amazingly, and all her scans have come back great. I am also starting to feel her in the morning, I call her my tiny dancer because she flutters around alot when I'm waking up. She might just be a morning person like her mommy always was growing up.

As for me and my changes, my ass has grown and my thighs are steadily catching up! - Oh joy. In fact last night I got out of the shower and saw my backside from the mirror and couldn't help but wonder who the large wet naked lady was and how she snuck into my room :/. I told Jason that summer needs to not come at all this year because there is no way I am bringing these bad boys (my thighs) out into the public in shorts! UGH. But everyone tells me that is the price of pregnancy and that it will go away after that little girl comes out. I guess I'll just have to deal in the meantime.

I'll check back with y'all after the 19th to make sure Giselle is still a she :)

P.S.The picture is from her 17 week scan, and it clearly shows I am getting pay back from sucking my thumb for all those years.

13 weeks

So I got my first new bra….it’s a 38E?!!! E!!! Holy hell. I don’t even know what to do with these things anymore. I hate them.

Also got some neat “maternity” pants. Complete with elastic panel in the front and all. Let me tell you – these are the most comfortable pants ever! Makes me wonder why everyone doesn’t just wear the elastic waist bands. I may never return to the zipper fly again . And they don’t even look bad, I even have a pair of Seven maternity jeans – that should give me some stylish Mom points right? Either way, they look better than trying to squeeze my disappearing waist into pants that are too small.

However, my high heels and I are slowing starting to part ways. This is proving to be difficult for me – I have over 90 pairs of heels alone that I adore. My feet on the other hand do not adore them anymore and I am constantly afraid I will fall. I am not willing to harm my baby in the name of fashion!

We are now into our second trimester – Whoo Hoo! I am getting less patient about finding out the sex by the day. But let me tell you everyone has an opinion. My bookkeeper at work is sure it is a girl because I crave fruit, and a neighbor thinks it’s a boy for sure because I didn’t have a lot of morning sickness. I don’t care either way (ok, that’s a lie – I want a girl) BUT I will be happy with either. I just need to know. The suspense is awful. I should know in March, so I will try and be patient until then.

Oh and my dreams – they are awful most of the time too! Just the other night I had a dream that my doctor told me that my baby’s ear will most likely explode when it’s born. So I was mentally preparing to have a child with one ear. Talk about a bad nights sleep! I have all kinds of awful paranoid dreams these days. I sure hope the next 6 months aren’t like this.

I vow...

The other day a Dad and his young child sat at my desk. The whole time the child relentlessly jammed his finger up his nose. I could not stop watching the gross-ness, and I know the Dad had to have known that his son was indeed a booger picker. And right there I thought to the little baby in my stomach "I promise I will never let you be that kid".

Which inspired me to draft a list of vows to my little one. I mean, I did it for my husband who actually agreed to marry me, this little child didn't ask to be brought into the world so I feel it's my duty to reassure him/her.

I vow:
To never let you have that trail of snot that drips all the way from your nostril into the side of your mouth. I will teach you the use of tissue at a young age.

In the summer to always have a bathing suit or "little swimmers" diapers with me so you won't have to be "that kid" in the pool or at the beach in it's underwear or soggy sand filled Pamper. Or even worse the naked awkward kid.

To wipe the Kloo Aid moustache off before it stains your lip.

To dress you according to the temperature, you will not be barefoot in the grocery store at 5 months old when it's January. And you will not be wearing a beanie just because it's "so cute" in July.

To not make you take those over photoshopped pictures of you looking like a angel with a halo and wings, flying through the clouds. (No offense to those of you that have, but they freak me out)

To not try and make you kid genius. I won't force you to memorize the 50 states and capitals at 2 years old.

To not send you out of the house looking like a mess. Yes there will be times you'll get to be in grungy mis-matched clothes to play in the yard or mud or what not. But I won't let you go to school with a dirty plaid shirt and striped socks.

That if you are a girl I won't pull your hair so tight that it makes your scalp hurt just to have the perfect pig tails or pony tail. And if you are a boy I will give you a hair cut when it is time, I won't make you look silly with extra long hair just because I don't want to cut off your "baby locks".

That I will let you discover food and get dirty with spaghetti and cupcakes.

To not let total strangers touch you, especially at places like Target or the Swap Meet.


I'm sure there is much more I could think of to promise you my Little Sprout but we'll save that for another day!

<3,
Cole

The first symptoms

So after I took the test that gave me my positive sign I went out and got a different brand of tests just to be sure, and once I cleared that entire pack I had successfully peed myself into believing that indeed I was expecting.

Then I did what everything other mom to be does, I went out and bought the most in depth book possible. "Pregnancy Day by Day" was my choice (Color photos get me every time!). As soon as I read what the early pregnancy symptoms normally were I felt them. It was like the words jumped off the pages and begin to enter my body. These are my personal early symtoms:

"Hi Honey, how was your ...zzzzzzzzz"
Have you ever taken codine cough syrup,the kind the doctor prescribes you when you're sick? The kind that you take and 6 hours later you wake up with the sofa pillow design imprinted in your cheeks, the tv on infomercials at 4:00am, and you're still in your jeans and tennis shoes? That's what first trimester sleepiness feels like. I swear, I will be in the middle of a conversation with Jason on the couch at 6:30 at night and the next thing I know I am about to rip his arm off and beat him with it for waking me up (even if it was at midnight and he was telling me to go to bed). When it hits you it hits hard like cough syrup. And the most fabulous thing about it? - nothing makes it better but a nap. Which is great if you get to be home all the time. But sadly I work full time. I have found myself staring out into space for long periods of time normally around 1:00pm-4:00pm, or wondering if I crawled under my desk if anyone would really know. I try to now divide my hour lunch into 30 minutes to eat and 30 to sleep, but really what kind of nap is only 30 minutes? I'll tell you what kind, the kind that leaves you more tired then you were before you laid down. I've tried to get up and walk around, get some fresh air, have a snack and to no avail it always leaves me dead on my feet. I hear your second trimester you regain energy - and I anxiously await for that day.

"I know they are huge, but if you touch them I will kill you!"
First to all my lovely friends that are thinking of getting implants: wait until after you are done having kids! I began this process a size D (thank you Dr. Benvenuti). I have already gone up a full cup size to DD, and it is getting snug in there. Holy Shit I'm only 9 weeks. I don't even have milk yet. What in the hell am I suppose to do when I pass the DD, go to E - which I assume stands for ENORMOUS?? And after that an F for F*&@ing RIDICULOUS?? What the heck does an E bra look like anyways and where do you buy one? Our friend Joe laughs at this and says I'm going to have to make one out of tent tarps or potato sacks. Actually I have very vivid memories of going to Mervyns with my mom when I was little and watching ladies with what I thought were gigantic boobs buy even more gigantic bras that have padded straps 3 inches wide and were always made of some god awful lavender or beige lace with a little fake pearl cluster in the middle. Gag.

Granted some women might think this new increased breast size is great, but again it's not just the size that changes. You begin to see little veins show under your poor stretched skin. So your new big boobs you think you'll love so much start to look like Thomas Guides. I imagine my tan friends might not have this problem as much (Darlene??) but sadly my fair skin does. I hear it only gets better too, my Pregnancy Day by Day book actually shows a women topless throughout the course of her pregnancy (bless her brave soul for those photos...not in a million years would I!) so you get to see her nipples change too. You start off small and perky and end up looking like a women you'd see on National Geographic - grrrrrrreat. Can't frickin wait.

And as typical men do, they don't even notice anything but the size of them. Jason is astonished like a kid watching a bug on the sidewalk, part of him wants to touch them but the other part of him is scared. And rightfully so. You think I was harsh when I said I want to rip his arm off when he wakes me up - I really will if he even tries to touch these new mystery boobs I have. Because they hurt like all hell!

"I would kill for a steak right now" *10 minutes later* "nevermind"
This is so annoying! Not that I have many cravings, I think that comes later, but if I do want something and I am starving half the time I get it and then all of a sudden I'm not hungry anymore? What the heck is this about? This was not in my Pregnancy Day by Day book (I should write the author!). It's the strangest thing. Example the other day we were going to dinner with friends (Hi Jill!) and I really wanted our favorite teppan restaurant, Matsu. We got there and I was super hungry. They prepared our food in front of us (Benihana style) and by the time they put it on my plate I had a $30 fillet that just sat there. My hunger just disappeared. It didn't come back either. What is this about? - Anyone else have this?

Thankfully I haven't had nausea too bad...except last week (yuck). For me whenever I don't feel so hot it's not morning sickness either, it's night sickness. Right before bed sometimes I feel slightly nauseous but thankfully this is not everyday (knock on wood).

All this and I'm bloated too, my fingers are swollen and my pant buttons are starting to not want to be closed. Which is fine I just wear long shirts and cover it up :). I guess this is when you just look and feel fat not pregnant. Oh the joy.

More to come later!

<3, Cole

The beginning: "I'm what...?"

My first blog ever!
May my pregnancy journey inspire those of you trying, be a piece of nostalgia to those of you that have, reaffirm those of you that think "no way" or just overall entertain some small part of you.

Let's get the obligatory "about me" section over with real quick: I'm Nicole, 25, a newlywed...oh and apparently I am also part super hero because, you see I am growing a person in my belly ! My husband and I have been together for over 5 years and got married August 29, 2009. We have always known we wanted children and much to our excitement found out I was pregnant December 3rd.

The morning of December 3rd found me making eggs in the kitchen for our first baby (our 1yr old French Bulldog) Jersey and myself. The night before we had gone out with friends drinking and playing darts, so my head and I were having a minor disagreement about getting up and staying in bed. My doctor had told me to take a pregnancy test, and I was going to see her soon so as the good patient that I am I thought I better take it now. Trusty stick in hand I was off to the bathroom. Minutes passed and I was eating my eggs with Jersey when I thought I better go check that stick. Sure enough there were 2 blue lines. Immediately I chalked the result up to blurry vision - I must be seeing double (remember I was drinking the night before) I rubbed my eyes and re-evaluated. There were still 2 lines.

First person I called? - my sister (sorry babe!). For anyone that doesn't know my sister she is one of many in the long line of Super Moms my family has. She has 2 beautiful boys (Lukas 4, and Jordan almost 2). She congratulated me I think - to be honest I can't remember my head was spinning with thoughts and questions and concerns (and probably some of that left over drinking again). Got off the phone with my sister and called, who else? - My Mom, another Super Mom (sorry babe - again!). After talking with Mom I then called Jason. Of course I thought about fun ways to surprise him, I thought about getting pink and blue balloons for the house, or buying little baby socks and wrapping them ... a million ways crossed my mind. But of course I was the child that ruined many a Christmas for my sister by telling her all her gifts ahead of time because I peaked at all our presents each year. I have never been good at keeping secrets or surprises so my big mouth just dialed and blurted out "I'm pregnant".

The next few weeks I was afraid to sneeze, to hiccup, to cough to do anything! I was terrified that I was going to go to the doctors and they were going to tell me that there was nothing there. Our first ultrasound was December 24, Christmas Eve.

Because I wasn't far along I had to have a vaginal ultrasound (too much information?, sorry but it's all a lovely part of the "experience"). The tech brought out the 'magic wand' that was going to be put inside me to see the baby, she wanted me to see what I should expect...and oh my god it was huge! I don't know whose eyes were bigger mine or Jason's. It looked liked one of those 'things' you see in the back of 'those stores' that is behind a curtain that says "18 years or older only". I was literally 2 seconds away from putting my pants on and running out that door. Thankfully the whole huge wand is not used and only a small part of it. I'm convinced they make them that big just to watch the husbands look horrified and feel inadequate.

But then all of a sudden there it was, our baby's heartbeat. It was flickering feverishly in all it's black and white glory on the ultrasound monitor. Of course I began to tear up. I didn't want her to move that massive wand for the life of me, I think I could have watched it all day. She showed us our baby, which looked like a little Teddy Graham Cracker / blob in my belly. It was the cutest little blob I have ever seen and automatically I was a proud mother. It was love.

We found out we were 6 weeks along and Due August 15th. Now I am 9 1/2 weeks along and just beginning this wild/crazy/fun/emotional/stressful/hungry journey. I have an amazing support team of family and friends and can't wait to share my experience with everyone that is brave enough to want to hear it